Put another catalogue on the fire

Owed to The Catalogue (The Gift that Keeps on Giving)
A poem by Les Kerr
 
Despite online and big-box store shopping, catalogues continue to arrive, and arrive, and arrive!

Despite online and big-box store shopping, catalogues continue to arrive, and arrive, and arrive!

Some catalogues are in the mail

I get them daily without fail
The trends have changed down through the years
The “good old days” brought only Sears
 
Now Land’s End, Wireless, LL Bean
And Neiman-Marcus in between
All see value in my name
And every one misspells the same
 
I ordered some electric socks
To take me out to my mailbox
To get my daily catalogue
Arriving through sleet, snow or fog
 
A brass coat rack I found in one
And a “Christmas Story” B.B. gun
A collar stay that’s made of gold
And monogramed will surely hold
 
But that last item puzzles me
It’s monogramed, but who will see?
A collar stay made with such care
Is built for viewing, not for wear
 
Someone surely thinks I’m rich
I still get Abercrombie-Fitch
Though far away, it shan’t be missed
For I’m still on the mailing list
 
Merchants need not be distraught
For I appreciate the thought
And though I chuckle by the hour
I do enjoy my Eddie Bauer
 
Faux vintage signs or fountain pens
A marble chessboard always wins
Your kitty’s face on your door mat
“Beware of our fierce attack cat!”
 
With catalogues, one does one’s best
To make sure everyone’s impressed
You needn’t use them, though you might
Just make sure they are in plain sight
 
Sometimes, that alone will do
Your neighbors will think much of you
Unless, of course (and God forbid)
They got the same ones that you did
 
What to give that wealthy friend?
The catalogue – that’s all you send
Every day, he’ll think of you
Those catalogues will force him to!

Text copyright 1977, 2012 by Les Kerr Learn More about Les at www.leskerr.com

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About Les Kerr

Les Kerr is a songwriter, recording artist, journalist and author originally from the Gulf Coast now based in Nashville, Tennessee. Learn More about Les at www.leskerr.com
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4 Responses to Put another catalogue on the fire

  1. Hilarious! We get so much junk mail we could build a house out of it. I am loathe to give my address out when I shop because they want to send you another catalog!

  2. Les Kerr says:

    The gift that keeps on giving!

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